(Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, we will earn a very small commission if you click through and make a purchase. This helps pay for blog hosting fees and other costs of running a blog)

It’s not unusual for older men to be single, or to be without a sexual partner. Some elders never married. Others were married but lost their spouse due to death or divorce. Some elders are married, but find themselves in “sexless marriages,” and are single in the sense they have no sexual partner.

Self-Pleasuring is Sex

Many single elders, unfortunately, assume that since they don’t have a partner, an active sexual life is not an option for them. This assumption is based on a limited definition that “sex” means only penetration during intercourse.

Sex is not just intercourse

People define sex in lots of different ways. Sex can include many other acts besides intercourse, such as oral sex, anal sex, and self-pleasuring. Masturbation is not just a “fallback” or “settle for” sexual activity, but is an activity that can bring great sexual pleasure and has value in itself. It’s a fact that many men with sexual partners still masturbate regularly. It’s just another form of sex.

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sexual pleasure!

Just because you’re a single man doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sexual pleasure! Sexually pleasuring yourself is one option that is always available regardless of your relationship status. As senior sexpert Joan Price writes in her blog article, “Senior sex isn’t just partner sex. Many of us don’t have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and health(y) is crucial for many reasons. It’s true that if we don’t use it, we lose it — and that’s true for any gender.”

How Men Can Self-Pleasure

Most men have masturbated during their lives. You’ve heard the old joke: “90% of all men admit to having masturbated; the other 10% are lying!” It’s typical for men to use their hands and fingers to stimulate and stroke their penis. There’s no right or wrong way to do it; whatever works best for you in giving you the most enjoyable sexual pleasure is the right way for you.

Masturbation may or may not have the goal of reaching orgasm. Just enjoying sexual pleasure and feelings can be more than enough. If you can’t get or keep an erection, self-pleasuring can still be a highly erotic and enjoyable experience. It’s possible to achieve orgasm and ejaculation without being hard.

The Right Setting

Before you begin a pleasuring session, prepare the setting. Take the following steps:

• Lock the door so you don’t have to worry about privacy.
• Turn off your phone or tablet or put them in another room, so they won’t distract you. If there’s a TV playing in the room, turn it off.
• Select a location that is comfortable for you; this might be a bed, a sofa, or a chair.
• Place your lubricant of choice near you, along with a hand towel or tissues for cleanup.
• Lower the lighting and put on some sexy music if that relaxes you.
• Undress or wear loose fitting pajama bottoms or shorts, whatever makes you feel comfortable and sexy, and gives you easy access to your genitals.
• If you’re planning on using toys, lay them within easy reach.
  

Fantasize

It’s likely most men fantasize while they’re self-pleasuring, often with the aid of arousing photos or porn films. Studies show that men think about sex twice as much as women and often have vivid fantasies. Think about whatever it is that turns you on.

According to experts, Popular men’s fantasies include a threesome with two women, being dominated or dominating, watching two women have sex, having sex in a public place, having sex with another man, and anal sex. Nothing is off-limits that turns you on; just because it turns you on doesn’t mean it’s something you’d want to actually do. It’s fantasy, not reality.

Slow Down!

First, slow down! Many of us first learned to self-pleasure when young, living in our parent’s home, with a constant fear of being discovered. We learned to get ourselves off as quickly and quietly as possible to reduce the risk of being found out. As an elder, hopefully, you can have privacy and there’s no longer any reason to orgasm as quickly as possible.

If you’re in a group home or institutional situation, you might want to have a conversation with the manager stating your need for complete privacy at times, and seeing what could be done to ensure that privacy. No one needs to know why you want privacy. Some states, such as Texas, make privacy for elders “attending to personal needs” a right under state law.

Many men go directly to stimulating their penis when they self-pleasure. Instead, take some time to warm up your body first. Many areas of your body are sensitive to sexual stimulation. You might want to use some silky lubricant such as water-based AstroGlide or Coconut Oil to increase sensitivity.

Experiment by lightly touching your inner thighs, your groin and lower stomach. Lightly touch your nipples to see if that is enjoyable or sexually arousing. Fondle or gently squeeze your scrotum. Focus on those areas that give you the most pleasure.

Stimulating the Penis

When you’re ready, focus on your penis. Use a lubricant to increase sensitivity and avoid painful abrasion. Most men have learned to use one “tried and true” stroking movement to stimulate themselves. Try using a different way of moving your hand or fingers, or your other hand on your penis then you typically do.

Instead of just using one “old standard” movement, experiment with different ways of touching your penis and scrotum. Try using a corkscrew motion as you move up and down the shaft. Run your fingertips up one side and down the other. Use your fingers to twist around the head of the penis. Try getting in a different position than what you usually use. You can give yourself pleasure on your back, on your stomach, or on your knees.

If you have difficulties maintaining an erection and enjoy the sensation of stroking your penis when it’s hard, you might want to try using a cock ring. A cock ring is typically made of rubber or silicon and slips onto the base of your penis or around your penis and scrotum. It helps to keep the blood that flows into your penis when you achieve an erection from draining out of your penis, therefore keeping you hard for much longer. There are also vibrating versions available (see below).

Sex Toys for Him

Sex toys aren’t just for women, they’re made for men also. There are lots and lots of sex toys available, and they are readily available from reputable online sex stores or even Amazon. Men can use vibrators to stimulate themselves, and even reach orgasm and ejaculation. The vibrator that many women enjoy using is the cordless Hitachi Magic Wand. It has several strength settings and can be enjoyed by men as well as women. There are also vibrating cock rings, such as the highly-rated Lelo Tor 2.

Another male sex toy with a large following is The Fleshlight Flight Pilot, a toy that takes a different approach from vibrators. Instead, this masturbation sleeve tries (and many men say very effectively does so!) to replicate the sensation of being inside a vagina.

In addition to these toys, there are many others including small vibrators and prostate massagers. Some prostate massagers like the Aneros “Helix Trident” prostate stimulator are non-motorized, while others like the Lelo HUGO prostate massager have several levels of vibration and a remote control.

Pleasure for One

Self-pleasuring can be a great way to maintain an active sex life and enjoy sexual pleasure even if you don’t have a partner. With all the variations available, it never has to become boring or routine, or the kind of sex you just “settle for” when you’re alone.