How Seniors Can Have More and Better Sex

As we age, many of us notice a decline in our libido, or desire for sex. At the same time, our energy levels decrease. As a result, bedtime is often not the best time for sex. We have sex less because we’re too worn out and tired when it’s time for bed.

How can we have a regular, enjoyable sex life if we’re always too tired at the traditional time we had sex when we were younger, which was at bedtime? We can schedule sex dates with our partners at times of the day when we have more energy.

“Only Spontaneous Sex is Good Sex”

Some people will object to scheduled sex as inferior because it’s not spontaneous. Who came up with the idea that sex had to be spontaneous to be fun? Is a meal only great if it’s a spontaneous idea? No, we can look forward and plan for a delicious meal, and then thoroughly enjoy it. But somehow we’ve gotten the idea that delicious sex can only happen if it’s spontaneous. I don’t agree.

Spontaneous sex is not the only great sex!

Spontaneous was workable and sufficient when we had higher libidos and more energy, but most of us don’t have the same level of either at 60 that we had at 25 when the hormones were still raging. My wife is a night owl, and I’m an early riser. When I go to bed at 9, I’m typically “too tired” to think about sex. All I want to do is fall into bed and sleep! Spontaneous bedtime sex doesn’t work well for us.

Pick An Energetic Time of Day

Most elders have a higher energy level in the morning than later at night. Early evenings can also work well. Find a time that is high energy for both of you and schedule it on the calendar.

Senior sex expert Joan Price suggests exercise before a sex date to increase energy. “Any kind of exercise will help, though raising your heart rate by cycling, dancing, or brisk walking will increase blood flow to your whole body, making arousal easier.”

Build the Anticipation

When you plan for a sex date with your partner, you have the opportunity to anticipate it, and to build the anticipation. Esther Perel, a therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, notes, “Anticipation implies that we are looking forward to something. It is an important ingredient of desire, and planning for sex helps to generate it.”

Great sex starts with anticipation

Here are some ways to build sexual anticipation:

• Leave dirty notes around the house for your partner, telling them how much you are eagerly awaiting to be sexual with them.
• Pick out some special Lingerie to wear for the occasion.
• If you text on your smartphone, send some “sexts” to your partner, telling them what exactly you plan to do to them and what you hope they’ll do to you.
• Text a sexy photo to your love.
• Do some increased touching and teasing in the days and hours leading up to your date; for instance, caressing her butt while she’s at the kitchen counter, or coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist (maybe letting one hand drop and tease a bit).
• Show some affection in public, such as holding hands while you walk together.
• Slow dance together.
  

Try Something Different

To make a sex date special, try something new that you don’t ordinarily do when you have sex. Joan Price has some great suggestions: “Talk to your partner ahead of time about what the two of you might add that you’ve never tried before. Some ideas: role-play a fantasy, buy a new sex toy, blindfold your partner, meet somewhere new and pretend to pick each other up, go to a hotel.”

To make a sex date special, try something new that you don’t ordinarily do when you have sex

Other ideas you might consider (Lanette’s suggestions):

• Shower or take a bath together.
• Wash or brush her hair, paint her toenails.
• Give a massage to each other before starting sexual touch.
• Listen to some sensual music.
• Burn some scented candles such as sandalwood or musk.
• Have sex in front of a mirror.
• Undress each other.

Have a great Date!

Talk to each other and schedule a play date when you both have higher energy, and you’re both available. Make your play date a priority and don’t let other less important things delay or cancel your date. Write it on the calendar, so you don’t forget and make another commitment.

Discuss the possibility of doing something different on your sex date. Tease each other and build anticipation in the days and hours leading up to your date. On the appointed day, be sure you’re prepared and ready to go. Most important, have fun!

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