Is it “Age-Appropriate” for Seniors to be Sexy? Pt 2

In last week’s post I described our culture’s stereotypical view that elders are sexless. Next, I cited evidence from several studies that show that many elders are sexually active in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond. My post today discusses how our cultural views and practices need to change to reflect the reality of elder sexuality.

Our Culture’s Views about Elder Sexuality Need to Change

1. Our Culture Needs new Stereotypes

Our culture needs to acknowledge the reality of elder sexuality. We need to stop repeating the negative and inaccurate stereotypes that view elders as having no sexual interest or activity.

We need to form new understandings and new stereotypes based on the evidence that many elders are sexual. As a culture, we need to celebrate elder sexuality and acknowledge that sex doesn’t expire with age.

2. Elders Should Accept Themselves and Enjoy Their Sexuality

It’s unfortunate that some elders have blindly adopted our culture’s prejudices against elder sexuality. They’ve limited themselves, and feel guilty and somehow perverted if they still have sexual thoughts and feelings, as though those feelings are not appropriate for people of a certain age.

Elders need to accept themselves as sexual beings and enjoy their sexuality. Melinda Smith, and Dr. Jeanne Segal have written, “As you age, try to let go of expectations for your sex life. Do your best to avoid dwelling on how things are different. If you enjoyed an active sex life in your younger years, there’s no reason to slow down with age, unless you want to. A positive attitude and open mind can go a long way toward improving your sex life as you age.”

3. Elders Need to Stop Judging Other Elders Who Enjoy Their Sexuality

Some elders choose not to be sexual anymore. That’s fine. It’s their option as adults. However, that doesn’t mean it’s OK for them to shame and criticize other elders who choose to continue as sexual people.

Just because you may decide that’s not what you would do, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for others

That’s true even if other elders choose forms of sexual expression they wouldn’t choose for themselves. Some may express their sexuality in casual sexual relationships, or with partners much younger than they are. Just because you may decide that’s not what you would do, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for others. We’re all adults and get to make our own choices regarding sexuality.

Stop criticizing other elders for choosing to wear clothing that accentuates their best parts and could be viewed as “sexy.” Just because you choose to wear loose-fitting or “practical” clothing doesn’t mean it’s wrong for others to choose a more fashionable look. If they want to wear clothing that is attractive and sexy, that’s their choice and has nothing to do with being age-appropriate.

4. Medical Professionals Need to be Aware of Elder Sexuality and Engage the Reality

Even medical professionals can adopt our cultural assumptions and prejudices and assume that elders aren’t sexual. When they do so, they fail to address important sexual issues with elders.

Medical professionals need to ask questions about sexuality when meeting with elder patients, just as they would with younger patients. They need to ask whether elders have multiple sexual partners and therefore have a need for regular STI testing. They also need to ask about sexual health issues like erectile dysfunction in men and vaginal dryness or pain in women.

Medical professionals need to ask questions about sexuality when meeting with elder patients, just as they would with younger patients

One of the findings of the University of Michigan poll was that medical professionals don’t often engage with elders about sexual issues. “Sexual health among older adults doesn’t get much attention but is linked closely to quality of life, health, and well-being,” says U-M’s Erica Solway, Ph.D., co-associate director of the poll. “It’s important for older adults and the clinicians who care for them to talk about these issues and about how age-related changes in physical health, relationships, lifestyles and responsibilities such as caregiving, affect them.”

If you have questions regarding sexuality, don’t be too timid to ask your health professional. They’ve”heard it all” and “seen it all” before and won’t likely be shocked or embarrassed by your questions.