Bring New Energy to Your Sex Life by Role-Playing Sexual Fantasies

What is Role Play?

Role play is play. We all know how to do this. When we were children, we pretended to be mommies, policemen, astronauts, cowboys, soldiers, nurses, or whatever we wanted to pretend we were. As adults, we’ve suppressed the joy and fun of role-playing.

Role-playing can include taking on the persona of a different person. It can also involve acting as yourself in a sexy setting, but maybe acting in a way that you wouldn’t typically act.

Wikipedia states role-playing is, “the changing of one’s behavior to assume a role.” In sexual role-play one of you might want to pretend to be a handyman, a pleasure slave, a stranger, a boss, a massage client, or whatever the players agree on to fit a scene they’d like to act out.

Why Role-Play a Sexual Fantasy?

Almost everyone has sexual fantasies. A sexual fantasy is anything you think about that turns you on. These fantasies often involve unethical, illegal, nonconsensual, or culturally inappropriate sexual behavior you wouldn’t want to do in the real world. See our recent blog post, Sexual Fantasies for Seniors.

Why role-play a sexual fantasy?

• By role-playing a sexual fantasy, you can act out a scenario that is sexually arousing to you and your partner. You can pretend together to do acts that you’d never consider doing in the real world. It’s adult play with adult rewards.
  
• Role-playing a sexual fantasy is a way to explore your own sexual desires and feelings. It can also bring variety and fun to a couple’s sexual relationship that has become routine or boring.
  

How to Prepare to Role-Play a Sexual Fantasy

1. Share your desire to role-play a sexual fantasy with a trusted friend, partner, or lover. It can be difficult to take this first step. You risk rejection or having the other person think you’re a pervert or have a mental issue. It takes courage to open yourself to another person and reveal your true desires. On the other hand, the only way to get what you want is to ask for it!
   
2. Negotiate agreement on the roles to be played and the scenario to be acted out. Spell out the details of what each of you will do, and how you envision the scene will go.
   
3. Agree upon the boundaries and limitations that each of you has, along with your desires and what you’d like to do. Both players should express their needs for the scene to work well, and also their wants.
   
4. Define safe words that either of you can use to stop or modify behavior during the scenario. Even though you communicate in detail in advance about the roles you’ll be playing and what the scenario will look like, you can’t cover every possible situation that might come up. There may be a misunderstanding about a boundary, or you might just need to call a halt. My wife and I use the words “Red” (stop), “Yellow” (back off or talk), and “Green” (all OK). It’s also important to have a unique signal (head shaking no) for situations where one of you can’t talk. For more details about using safe words, see my recent post, “How To Communicate With Safe Words While You’re Having Sex.”
   

Sexual Fantasies For Role Playing

You can role-play just about any sexual fantasy that you have, within practical limits. Likely, most of your fantasies could be acted out in role-play.

There are a number of popular sexual fantasies that lend themselves well to being role-played:

• Sex with a stranger. Dress sexy and go to a bar. Your partner pretends to be a stranger who offers you a drink, flirts with you, then takes you home (or to his hotel room) for a wild night of stranger sex.
• Non-Monogamous sex. Pretend that you’re having sex with another person. Turn off the lights and don’t talk. The designated “other person” can behave differently during sex than they normally do (such as giving rough sex instead of gentle sex). If you really want to be nasty, have the “other person” take on a specific identity, such as that of another man or woman you’re sexually attracted to, and pretend you’re having sex with that person.
• Dominant/Submissive or sex while being bound. You can try some power play in which one of you takes the role of the dominant and the other the role of the submissive. The dominant can bind the submissive’s arms behind her back or tie her down to the bed while he sexually stimulates her. Do you remember a sexy scene in Fifty Shades of Grey? You can role-play it.
• Sex Between a masseuse and her client. Start out with a vanilla massage and gradually heat it up. The masseuse could seduce her client, or the client could seduce the masseuse. The massage could result in sexual touching, oral sex, or intercourse. Borrow a massage table or use a carpeted floor, a bed, or a padded table.
• Sex with a worker who comes to the home. Hunky pool boys, electricians, plumbers, painters, and fix-it men are all the subjects of sexual fantasies. The “worker” can wear coveralls and come to the door. Once inside, the lady of the house can seduce him, or he can seduce her. This fantasy role-play can get really wild, resulting in sex on the kitchen floor, sex on the sofa, in the shower, or with a worker in the marital bed.
• CNC (consensual non-consensual sex). These are fantasies where the parties role-play nonconsensual sex scenarios. These include rape fantasies, which are popular with many women, or any non-consensual fantasy a person wants to act out. Of course, here, the “non-consensual” sex is fully consensual between the players; hence it is called “consensual non-consensual sex.” These types of scenarios often deal with a burglar or a dating setting.
• Unequal Power Relationships. These are scenarios such as doctor/patient, nurse/patient, student/teacher, or boss/employee. Have you ever fantasized about that handsome boss or beautiful doctor? This is your chance to act out your nasty fantasies! For these role-plays, you might want to obtain some inexpensive costumes or props to enhance the experience.
  

An Example: Our Recent Sexual Fantasy Role Play

When we were engaged to be married while in college, we frequently used to spend the weekend with my wife’s sister and brother-in-law in a nearby city. One night, my then-fiancee went into the bedroom to change. She returned wearing a very demure and modest yellow cotton nightgown. When she walked in front of the TV, I could clearly see the silhouette of her bare breasts and nipples through the fabric.

I wanted to touch her breasts. At first, she refused, but then said I could do so if I didn’t move my hand. We were from very conservative religious backgrounds and were attending a conservative Christian College at the time. We were taught that premarital sex led straight to Hell.

When we talked about this incident years later, I always said, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have acted much differently. You likely wouldn’t have been a virgin when we married a couple of months later.”

A few weeks ago, we decided to role-play this scenario with an alternate ending. We talked about the scenario and the roles we would play; her the resistant coed, and me the horny young man. I purchased a yellow cotton nightgown on Amazon.

On the appointed night for the role-play, we sat on the sofa making out. She went to her room to change, then came out dressed in the demure yellow cotton gown. When she walked in front of the TV, I told her I could see her breasts, and that I wanted to touch them.

She told me I could touch as long as I kept my hand still. When my hand did not remain still, she pushed me away and told me we shouldn’t do this. I grabbed her around the waist, pulled her close, and began fondling both breasts. She protested. I unbuttoned the top of the nightgown and reached inside. Again she tried to jump back and told me not to do that.

I persisted, telling her no one would know, and it was OK. I unbuttoned the top buttons on her nightgown and pulled it off her shoulders and down to her waist, fully exposing her. She acted embarrassed (and also getting turned on) as she asked me to stop and that we’d go to hell if we did anymore. Without telling all the details, let’s just say that she wound up under me on the sofa, nude and both of us extremely turned on!

We both had a great time and experienced the most passionate sex we’d had in several weeks. We’re still talking about it.

Have Fun With Role Play!

You will not want to try out all of your fantasies in real life. Some could be dangerous, scary, or inappropriate.

But you can role-play almost any fantasy that you have. You get the turn-on, excitement, and great sex of acting out the fantasy, but the whole scenario is within your control and consent.

Give it a try. An exciting role-play with you and your partner can inject new life into a stagnant sexual relationship.