How to be a Sexually Attractive Senior

Sex for elders doesn’t start with kisses or sexual touching. It starts, as with all people, in the mind with attraction and desire. Attraction can be physical, or mental and emotional (personality). Or, better yet, both.

Attraction and desire are important not only in dating situations, but also with established partners. Maybe even more so! Sometimes long-term partners start to take each other for granted, and no longer try to attract or seduce each other. That’s a mistake.

Physically Attractive Elders

With the aging of our bodies, it’s impossible for us to meet the youth-oriented ideal of attractiveness in our culture. No matter what we do, we can’t look 25 again. And yet, it is very possible for us to still look attractive at any age, and attract the desire and sexual interest of our peers.

My impression is that too many elders “let themselves go” after retirement in regard to appearance. Since they don’t have to go to work anymore, they reason that there’s no longer a good reason to fix up. Why dress with coordinating clothes, or wear attractive clothing in public (as opposed to that only appropriate for home wear) when you’re not working?

In my senior community, I see women all the time dressed in outfits that are clean and orderly, but are best described as, “frumpy.” Hairstyles are utilitarian, not stylish. Some look like they’re imitating their grandmothers or great-grandmothers, or trying to look as unattractive as possible.

The men aren’t any better. It’s typical to see a man in way-too-big shorts, with skinny legs wrapped to the knee in black support stockings. Then add sandals with socks in the winter. That’s just scary! Or, they’re wearing clothing that went out of style years ago, is too large, and doesn’t fit the local culture but would have been acceptable where they moved from before retirement.

Mentally Attractive Elders

There is a lot more to sexual attraction than just physical good looks. Our personality can also make a huge difference on how attractive we appear to others. As J. Iron Word wrote on Twitter, “Sexy does not come from the shape of the body, but the fire in a soul.” Even the most physically attractive people can become unattractive and kill sexual desire with a negative, abrasive personality.

People are more attractive when they’re positive, open, approachable, and willing to share about themselves. In a recent article in Medium.com, Zulie Rane wrote, “Emotionally attractive people are able to bond with others by talking freely about what’s important to them. Not just trauma or mistakes, but goals and dreams for the future, too.”

People are less attractive when they have negative attitudes and act like a “grumpy old man.” Likewise, it’s not sexy to talk all the time about your medical problems and procedures.

Tips for Attractiveness

Physical Attractiveness

• Wear clothing that is attractive on you and highlights your best features
• Look in a mirror before going out; if you scare yourself or don’t think you’d look attractive to others, make some changes
• Don’t let cultural unwritten rules about how elders should dress restrict you; if you think you look attractive and desirable in something, wear it!
• Stay active and keep the weight under control with exercise and dieting
• Consider changing your hairstyle to something more attractive

Mental Attractiveness

• Be open and approachable
• Have a positive attitude
• Smile!
• Show an interest in others by asking questions and listening
• Be willing to share with others what you care about and what’s important to you, what you’re passionate about
• Limit or exclude talk about your medical issues, procedures, etc. Not sexy!