How Seniors can be Great Kissers

Kissing is Important!

We’d spent all Saturday together visiting Shiloh National Military Park (site of the famous Civil War battle), and later having dinner together. It was our first date, and it was going great. We easily talked to each other about our backgrounds, our hopes and plans, our lives in college. As we were driving back to our school, I said, “I feel like I’ve known you a long time.” She responded with, “If you feel like you’ve known me for so long, how come you haven’t kissed me yet?”

I spotted a darkened parking lot coming up on the right, turned off the highway, and parked. Almost 50 years later, I still remember that first kiss (and the succession that immediately followed). That was the start of our romantic and sexual relationship, which led to marriage, children, growing older together.

Kissing is typically the first step to a deeper sexual relationship with another person. “The first kiss is a deal-breaker in terms of determining how the relationship will play out. A woman feels a kiss can predict how good of a lover a guy will be. A bad kiss will deter her from getting involved with him.” Susan Hughes, quoted in an article in Men’s Health.

My wife, Lanette, has some thoughts about kissing as well: “Kissing is so important. It can make you comfortable or uncomfortable. Or it can be the first step to the next step.”

When to Kiss

In our culture, in heterosexual couples, men are expected to make the first move. Unfortunately, most men are awful at detecting when a woman is ready for a kiss. Mark Manson wrote in Models, “When it comes to kissing a woman, there’s an old adage amongst dating coaches: if you think you can kiss her, you probably could have ten minutes ago.”

Approach a kiss slowly

Approach a kiss slowly. Before going for a kiss, introduce non-intimate touching by briefly touching a person’s hand, arm, knee, or hair. How do they react? If they pull back, it indicates they’re not open to touch. If you’re getting positive responses, or they’re moving closer, it might indicate it’s time to go for a kiss.

Approach slowly to gain an indication of consent. You could ask, “May I kiss you?” Or make a statement such as, “I’d really like to kiss you.” Listen to the response for a positive or negative. If it’s not a positive, it’s a negative. If you’re close together, you could lean in and read the response; is the other person leaning into a kiss, or are they backing off?

How to Kiss

The key words to remember with that first kiss are “slow” and “soft.” “Start with slow kisses, move to opening your mouth a little, and if it feels right—try a little tongue.” Gigi Engle and Brittany Englert, writing in Men’s Health. “When your lips finally touch, don’t shove your face as hard as you can against theirs. Very gently and softly touch your lips to theirs. The softness will create a tenderness that will be unmatched.” Annabel Rodgers, writing in LovePanky.com.

It’s important to use your hands while kissing

It’s important to use your hands while kissing. “Using your hands is one of the most powerful kissing techniques available for heightening the entire experience for your partner.” Sean Jameson, writing in YourTango.com.

Wrap your arms around the other person, touch and stroke their body, run your fingers through their hair, caress their neck. Gently take their face in your hands and tilt it to kiss. Pull the other person closer to you, pressing your bodies together as you kiss.

Don’t be afraid to experiment! You won’t know what the other person likes unless you try some different techniques.

Things to Avoid When Kissing

• Mouth Wide Open. Don’t open your mouth too wide, at least at first. It results in slobber and just feels weird. Kissing is primarily on the lips.
• Too Much Tongue, Too Soon. “Don’t use your tongue on the first kiss. At least not at first. Tongue should be something that is initiated by the other person… Throwing in some tongue too early can be awkward and uncomfortable for the other person.” Article by Annabel Rodgers.
• Bad Breath. Bad breath and good kissing don’t match! “Bad breath or scummy teeth will always be a turnoff for a potential partner.” Article by Engle and Englert. Don’t eat onions, tuna, or garlic before kissing. Brush your teeth, use mouthwash, and eat a mint. If you have persistent bad breath, it may be due to a medical condition; see your doctor.
• Tongue Biting. Once tongue play starts, it’s OK to gently nibble on a person’s tongue. But hard biting is not typically pleasurable or appreciated. You may think you’re gently nibbling, but if the other person says “ouch!”, you’re biting too hard.
  

The Joy of Kissing

Most sexual relationships start with a kiss. A kiss can be one of the most intimate, vulnerable, and sexually arousing activities we can do. Kissing can transition a relationship from friends to lovers.

Even those of us with a lot of experience kissing can learn new things!

Even those of us with a lot of experience kissing can learn new ways to kiss. Try some techniques you haven’t tried before to see if you and your partner find them pleasurable. Good kissing can not only be the start of a sexual relationship, it can also help renew a sex life that has become routine or boring.