5 Reasons You Need to Learn About Senior Sexuality

1. Most of Us Never Learned Much About Sexuality When Young

Many of us received little or no education about sex when we were growing up. My parents never talked to me at all about sexuality. Even when we did receive sex education in school or at home, it was strictly basic biology. Nobody taught us how to sexually pleasure ourselves or others.

Most of us never learned about sex from our parents.

What we did learn about sex was from friends, porn, or our limited experiences. We were all interested in sex, and friends could talk about it and share what little information we had.

My earliest sexual education came when I was in the Boy Scouts. Sitting at the bottom of a trash bin during a paper drive looking at a Playboy magazine, I saw for the first time what a nude woman looked like. The first time I learned about sexual intercourse was from my tent-mate during a scout camping trip. My first reaction to this revelation was, “No way men and women would do something like that!”

“What we did learn about sex was from friends, porn, or our limited experiences.”

As we got older, pornographic movies became a source of information. However, porn was never intended as instruction, but entertainment. In our ignorance we didn’t realize the difference and adopted a lot of unrealistic expectations about sex.

Some of us had sexual experiences we learned from. But even those were limited by the lack of experience of both partners.

As my wife and I, both virgins, prepared to marry we read the sex book popular at the time, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.” Unfortunately, the title of the book was not an accurate description of its contents. It taught generally about sex, but didn’t get detailed enough about specifics to be of any practical value.

2. Many Seniors Never Increased Their Knowledge of Sex As Adults

When we married, all we knew was basic biology and what we had learned from heavy make-out sessions. We knew almost nothing about how to pleasure each other sexually. We stumbled around and experimented, and did our best to figure out what we could do to help each other have an enjoyable time.

We read everything we could find on sexuality that we thought might be helpful and practiced a lot. It wasn’t until my wife’s sister introduced us to the original 1972 version of “The Joy of Sex” that we found a helpful, detailed, and specific guide to lovemaking. We learned about many more sexual techniques and ideas. As the years have gone by, we’ve continued learning about sexuality by reading books and articles and watching instructional movies about sex.

Unfortunately, many couples did not keep on learning about sexuality as they aged. They just continued with what they knew from experiences before marriage, and the experiences, if any, of their marriage partner. That often resulted in what quickly became routine and boring sexual lives, with no idea of how to make adjustments as things changed.

3. Aging Requires New Sexual Techniques

Our physical circumstances change as we age, requiring new sexual knowledge and adjustments. If your favorite sexual position as a woman is on all fours, or as a man “doggy style” on your knees from the back, what happens if you develop knee problems? You need to be aware of other options for intercourse and adopt one you’re able to physically manage as a new favorite.

Seniors’ bodies change over time; their sexual practices need to change as well.

Women develop unique sexual issues as they age. After menopause, some women lose their desire for sex or have vaginal dryness that makes intercourse uncomfortable. Older women can feel they are no longer attractive.

Older men often develop erection problems. They experience a decrease in energy and stamina. Repeated inability to gain or keep an erection can cause men to avoid sex to avoid failure.

Both sexes tend to have more medical issues, and they are often more serious than those which they experienced when younger. Many prescription drugs can have negative side effects such as loss of sexual desire and difficulty gaining and keeping erections.

Seniors need to be aware of the many options available to them for sexual pleasure. If what you did in the past doesn’t work anymore due to physical limitations, you need to be able to use another approach.

4. Many Seniors Have No Sex or Poor Sex

It’s an unfortunate fact that many seniors have no sex, or sex that is not pleasurable. Over time, long-term relationships that were once very sexual can change into sexless relationships. “Sexless marriages are so pervasive in our society that there seems to be an attempt in some sectors to “normalize” the fact that couples stop having sex, especially when they get into their fifties and beyond.” Xanet Pailet, writing in Living an Orgasmic Life.

“It’s an unfortunate fact that many seniors have no sex, or sex that is not pleasurable.”

Some women have never experienced an orgasm, or aren’t sure if they have. Perhaps they don’t know how to pleasure themselves or are not willing to do so. Or, they have a partner who doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman or is only interested in his own pleasure.

When a spouse dies, some elders assume sexuality is over in their lives. They don’t look at other options for experiencing sexual pleasure. The death of a spouse doesn’t necessarily mean sex is dead as well.

Seniors need to know what options are available to them to increase their enjoyment and pleasure in sex. By experimenting with different techniques, it’s likely that elders will find an approach that works for them and renews their sexual life.

5. With Education, Seniors Can Enjoy Great Sex

Sexual pleasure is a possibility for almost any senior. Granted, when a spouse dies or when there are medical or physical changes, adaptations have to be made.

With education, it’s possible to learn new techniques and practices that will bring sexual pleasure when our circumstances change. Just because our old patterns of sexuality aren’t possible anymore doesn’t mean that there cannot be any sexual pleasure. Old dogs can learn new tricks!

“Sexual pleasure is a possibility for almost any senior.”

This blog is intended to be a resource for seniors looking for educational material about sexuality. I urge you to explore the articles I have written and check each Sunday morning for a new topic. Subscribe below and a copy of each new article will be delivered to your inbox.

Writer Joan Price also has written a number of books and has a blog covering senior sexuality topics. Some of her books include The Ultimate Guide to Sex Over 50, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, and Sex After Grief.

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